Having heard the distant calls of her evil twin Bridget, the dreaded Smack-Child has arisen from her demonic slumber. At first is was just a faint rumble from the box in which she was living but it eventually became clearer:

"Must get Bridget, Must get Bridget"

Eventually, not without trepidation, the tape was removed and Smack-Child was allowed to emerge from her box. (photo1) The full horror of her appearance was shocking after so many years and what does one expect from an emotionally disturbed doll after so long in hibernation? Would she just enter into a frenzy of violence?


Smack-Child insisted that she was cured of her amphetamine and heroin habit and that she had learned to behave in a more suitable fashion. After discussing the various issues of concern it was agreed that Smack-Child would be allowed to spend an afternoon in the park UNDER CLOSE SUPERVISION. What she didn't know was that we had a secret camera on hand to capture evidence of her behaviour. The following report is presented for the consideration of Bridget and Tawny before they agree to accept a visit from Smack-Child.

Upon being set loose in the Park Smack-Child immediately headed for the picnic areas- we were disturbed by this but allowed her to proceed in the name of Science. Almost immediately she set about stalking picnickers, hiding behind trees (photos 2 & 3) and even in a tree (photo 4) from which she eventually dropped and mugged a by-passing man. (photo 666 I fucked up) When questioned on her behaviour, Smack-Child answered that she had committed the robbery to pay for her drug-habit. Old habits die hard and the poor thing was a bit confused when she realised that she doesn't have a drug habit to feed so she has decided to post the money to some Nuns.







Next in Smack-Child's antics came the now notorious Bread Incident. Smack-Child saw some tourists feeding geese, ducks etc and had an evil idea. She decided to disguise herself as a piece of bread in order to lure the various birds into her trap. (photos 5 & 6) Her scheme was very successful- she caught a Swan but it escaped from her evil clutches. It was thought that we may need to intervene when a small child entered the scene (photo 7) but his mother advised him rather firmly to "stay way from the doll" and moved along rather quickly.




In an effort to bring some Culture to the little rotter we encouraged her to visit The Federation Pavilion. Now this is the place at which Australia became a Nation- our Constitution was signed here. This idea excited Smack-Child sufficiently that she now has plans to conquer the world. Given the limitations of her foam legs we feel this is a little ambitious. Regardless, she sat vigilantly on the Foundation Stone of Australia (photo 8) for some time before she could be persuaded that it was time to go home.


Upon returning home she insisted on doing some glamour modelling (all photos marked G) to show Bridget and Tawny just how ravishing she is. While our backs were turned the horror snuck out and attempted to post herself to Bridget and Tawny. (photo 9) Luckily, she doesn't understand that the letterbox into which she stuffed herself is for receiving and not posting mail.




It is hard to conclude whether Smack-Child has yet matured sufficiently to be allowed to travel on her own. Certainly, Bridget and Tawny's opinions will be sought. This collision of Heads and a riot drrrrrl may be more than the world needs.


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